Did you know that cut hot peppers can literally clear out a kitchen? Like a coughing, choking, nose running, must open windows pepper bomb.
I didn’t, until this morning.
I have a tendency to be in the middle of twelve things at once, jumping from one to another at a frequency that leaves things half finished until I come back and pick up where I left off. This blog, unfortunately, being one of those things, I have not been updating as much as I should.
For the past two months I have been volunteering on an organic farm in Texas with a wonderful woman who has become a good friend. My days are spent tending to animals and a beautiful garden while having plenty of free time to relax and get back into the things that make me happy.
The pace of this lifestyle was more difficult to get used to then I was expecting at first and about a week in I almost left. Large gaps of free time during the day left me with too much time to fill. I wanted to do more, I was used to the fast paced lifestyle of corporate America. I had been working two jobs for years and I didn’t know how to relax anymore. I didn’t know how to ‘feed my soul’. I didn’t know what to do without a television.
I called my sister and had a hissy fit complaining fest about how I was bored. BORED, even though I was doing what I wanted, what a lot of people would love to do. Even though I had always wanted more time to paint and write. I was bored and I was complaining to a mother of two, who would give her left foot just to go to the bathroom alone. Clearly I was being ridiculous, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.
Isn’t if funny how we can wish for something with all our heart and then the minute we get it are ungrateful for the form it comes in or the amount of work associated with it.
But I stayed. I worked. I learned. I realized that I had gotten lazy, well I guess I knew that, but I actually had to accept it and work through it. I had to get up early and shovel horse poop, feed chickens, dig in the dirt and weed. (I still loath weeding, with a passion) I learned about organic gardening and I helped my host with her business.
Today looking back, I am grateful to my earlier self for getting her head out of her ass. I am grateful that I took the time to get to know my host. I took the time to learn new skills and spend time outside. I took the time to try new things and meet new people and trust my gut.
Today I type this with burning fingers and a smile because I pepper bombed the kitchen this morning.
Today I am working towards a new person. It’s a slow journey, painful at times. It is a process that could not fully start until I let go of control and stopped fighting what I really wanted.
Now today I look forward to tomorrow and welcome the surprises it brings.
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